7:38 AM

New Year’s Eve Day dawns (actually it’s still dark out)

Thinking of throwing in the towel with this blogging thing. It’s totally fun but quite possibly a total waste of time, especially the sharing of inner thoughts honestly and openly. That is where I differ from the rest of the people I know, who are mysteries, and so I assume my openness is my weakness that keeps me from being a Most Sought After Friend to anyone.

New Year’s Resolutions:

-Not be open and honest

-Not feel the need to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth ALL THE TIME

-Become like Sarah from the TV show Chuck

-Talk less

-Fulfill my writing goals

-Become a New York Times Bestselling Author

-Let go of MSA Friend

-Find out what is missing in my life

-Save money for LA Screenwriting conference

And I’m sure there will be more resolutions as the day unfolds. I’m going to add one more:

-Make the most New Year’s Resolutions I’ve ever made for one year.

 Cat in front of Computer monitor so can’t type anymore.

I’m back. Blasted cat stepped on sleep button and shut down my comp. Dreams of the night still fresh in my mind, throwing off sense of reality, will forget them and go into Stroller Syndrome mode soon enough. Husband is getting ready to leave. Wonder if Daughter will want to do something other than the Family Festival today, something posh and involving bubbling champaine (like the non-alcoholic kind). Probably not. Probably end up at Family Fest, pushing proverbial stroller. 

one more NY resolution:

-don’t edit blog posts, just hit publish

11:55 PM

Feeling down. Can’t sleep. Was so tired earlier that every mouse click by Daughter playing on computer was waking me up while I was laying on the couch (which means I was falling asleep repeatedly every half a second). Now I’m awake and noticing all the posts about New Year’s Resolutions and “looking back” on the highlights of 2013, etc.

For me, same thing happens EVERY New Year’s Eve.

I want desperately to go out and do something posh, while dressed brilliant and ringing in the New Year looking my best, with people I WANT to hang out with (or even people I don’t know as long as they look posh too and notice me)

Actuality: End up walking around Family Festival, tired and alone in a building full of people. Come home exhausted, put child to bed, fall asleep before midnight, OR stay up late trying to find a live online stream of New Year’s countdown until after midnight and miss the whole thing. Husband wanders home sometime after midnight as he is always doing something work related on New Year’s Eve.

Every year I want it to be different and every year it’s the same. It’s the ‘stroller’ syndrome. This feeling that I’m endlessly pushing around a stroller (although my daughter no longer needs a stroller, it’s still the same feeling). I have more friends this year since I joined a writers group, but none of them will spend New Year’s Eve with me.

Did my best not to message MSA Friend (Most Sought After Friend) since the ball is in his court to reply. Stroller Syndrome feeling was so heavy on me I broke down and sent a dot (.) Not sure how ‘dot’ will be percieved. Possibly as a pocket dial.

I guess I will explain MSA Friend until I get tired enough to go back to sleep. Every two or three years I find a person that I absolutely must be friends with or I will die. I message far too much even when I try my best to hold back… and well I deleted the rest of this post which was far too long and emo, but I’m tired now so accomplished that much,

off to bed

(goodnight MSA Friend…)