The Best Feeling Ever

The best feeling ever? When Amy, I mean Cassie, laughs out loud at something I’ve said. It tickles my insides. Going with her to a movie is better than Disney Land or anything imaginable. Not only does it certify me as the coolest guy on the planet but she is HAPPY when we hang out. She laughs and she’s so easy going, she’s thin and light and so was the skirt she was wearing, and she’s shorter than me, THUMBS UP!

So if you disregard the age difference (I haven’t asked her what her age is because I’m smart enough to know it’s not socially acceptable to ask women over the age of twenty-something what their age is, but I do know she’s a teacher, and if you factor in a university degree I’d say she’s 26? 28?), so what was I saying? Yes, if you disregard the age difference, which in my opinion shouldn’t matter, then I’d say we’re perfect for one another. She says I’m so easy to get along with.

I could spend all day writing about Cassie’s great qualities but I will update you on our movie night. I don’t exactly remember what the movie was about, because all my brain could register was that I was in a dark theater beside the most beautiful woman in the world. Like I said, whenever she laughed it tickled my insides and I wanted to just grab her and kiss her, which was pretty much all I thought about throughout the entire movie.

After the show I was too embarrassed to ask her to drive me anywhere (so I took the bus home), and I didn’t offer to do anything afterwards like go for coffee, but instead I said I’d left my little dog at home and needed to let her out to go pee, so I had to go home.

I should have asked her to go for a walk. What do grown-ups do after a date? I mean, you know, in the early stages of a relationship? Like casual things. In romantic movies they always end up going for a walk at night and finding a lonely park where the guy pushes the girl on the swing. But there are no parks close by to down town.

Oh well, I was way too riled up to stay around Amy for longer than the two hour movie anyway. I doubt I could have been able to keep up any sort of decent conversation, when all I could focus on was her rosy lips and perfect hips.

Oh Amy…

The Mall Is A Magical Place – Part Three (Texting)

Me and Cassey’s (aka Amy) texts:

-Let’s see a movie (I wrote this when we parted ways in the mall)

The reply came after supper that evening:

-I don’t think that would go over too well with my fiance
-That you went to see a show with some kid?
-lol good point
-Thanks for hanging out at the mall 🙂
-no problem, you were a great help with the kids
-I was?
-yes 🙂
-I might go see a movie anyway by myself
-Then I might bump into you
-?
-I do need to get out of the house. All I do is babysit
-No friends?
-Not here, we just moved here
-you and your fiance?
-I’m living with my sister until he finally comes home so we can look at houses to buy
-he’s not around?
-no, he’s never around. works on the oil rigs.
-you going to be a rigger’s wife?
-I was hoping he’d get a different job
-hoping?
-I told him last year that I don’t like it when he’s never around, the rig job doesn’t work for me
-what did he say?
-that it makes lots of money
-so? I’d chose working at mcdonalds if that meant more days with you
-well you’re 15
-almost 16. If you’re a teacher you already make decent money don’t you?
-Not that great but we wouldn’t be broke if he took a lesser paying job
-Can he take vacation time? in the summer?
-he could have taken the summer off but didn’t want to lose the money
-all hail the great and magnificent god of money
-lol, I’m going to go see a movie
-which one?
-The Heat at 7:30
-That’s the same one I’m going to tonight!
-lol, you’re sweet. I guess I do need to make some friends
-Yep, I’m the perfect ‘friend’
-We’ll have to see
-I may be standing around trying to decide on snacks so you might run into me
-You should stand out of the way then
-and miss the opportunity to be run into by you? Not a chance
-lol

The Mall Is a Magical Place – Part Two

I could tell you about Amy’s bratty little niece and nephew and how annoying they are but I don’t fully remember. All I remember is Amy dressed in a summer dress, her red hair flowing around her shoulders and her gorgeous smile. When she gave me that smile, as I approached her at the mall, I knew she didn’t mind the black hair and new look.

“I honestly don’t remember seeing you at the garage sale.” She said in her soft, sing-song voice. I didn’t say ‘just imagine me 40 pounds heavier with boring brown hair and ugly clothes’, instead I said “I dyed my hair.”

Amy’s real name is Cassey. She’s amazing. She’s soft spoken and always nice to the brat kids (they don’t deserve her), she’s got a friendly manner and positive outlook on everything. She thinks I’m funny and nothing irritates her. We got icecream for the kids and ourselves but I couldn’t eat much of it, because I was nervous and because every time Amy (Cassey) took a lick of her icecream my stomach tightened up and I had to look away, it was much too wonderful to watch.

The best part was when we were parting ways.
The brats had become overly annoying and Amy said they needed a nap. She was heading for her car and I had taken the bus so I was heading in the other direction, too embarrassed to ask for a ride. Then she said,

“I don’t have to watch the kids in the evening.”

I froze. I couldn’t even think straight, was she asking me to ask her on a date? My tongue was tied, like they say “tongue-tied”, that’s exactly what it felt like, tied up in a knot.
She smiled then and walked away.

When I finally recovered from my trance I send her a text:

-Let’s see a movie 🙂

The Mall Is a Magical Place

Today, as I was trying to style my hair, I got this text from my mom:

Can you take the bus down to the mall and pick up shampoo and conditioner? I work late.

I had planned to walk Xena that day but then decided I could invite Jane to the mall and we’d make a date of it. Well, not a real date because I have no idea if Jane likes me in that way or if I like her in that way.

I gave up on trying to style my hair and at the bus stop Jane commented on how long it is. I hadn’t cut it for four months and my bangs are now down to below my nose. That’s when I had the brilliant idea to go to a hair salon in the mall and get an “emo” hairstyle.
Long story short I got a sweet emo hair cut, dyed my hair raven black, got the works. They even styled it for me in just the right way. Jane was quite shocked when I met up with her afterwards, she said I look very different. I’m sure I do. First of all I lost a LOT of weight this summer and actually bought nice clothes for once and I dyed my hair black. It wasn’t until after all this that I realized I have no idea if Amy likes black hair.

I was getting a lot of looks and a lot of smiles from the girls at the mall, like the kind of smiles you want to get if you’re a guy, it was awesome. I’ve NEVER gotten smiles like that before, ever. The girls didn’t even seem to care that Jane was walking with me, I still got the smiles.

Once again I was finding it difficult to eat so I gave Jane my fries and ended up just drinking a bottle of water. I was nervous because I wanted to text Amy again but didn’t know what to say. Finally after much deliberation I texted her this:

-Want to come to the mall and hang out?
-got the kids
-bring kids?
-ok, kiddie ride coin machines?
-see u there 🙂

An Unexpected Text Reply

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I went to bed after 2am (after Jane’s party) and my mom was up at 6am, freaking out about Xena being gone.

So needless to say I had to go to Jane’s house again today to pick up Xena. I waited until it seemed like a decent hour, 9:30 am, then headed over to her house.
The front door was open, with just the screen door closed and I could smell something delicious baking inside. Jane’s mother was home. She said she was making chocolate banana pancakes. I’d never heard of chocolate banana pancakes but what a brilliant idea! My tummy was rumbling. But the text messages wouldn’t stop beeping on my phone, my mom asking if Xena was safe for the millionth time, so I had to get an answer for her immediately. Jane’s mom said I could go downstairs and see if Jane was awake.

Jane’s bedroom door was slightly open when I got there. Xena was sleeping with her, tucked right under Jane’s chin like a stuffed animal. I watched them for a moment, admiring how pretty Jane looked when asleep, and how even more rodent-like Xena looked while sleeping.

Xena noticed me first and jumped out of Jane’s arms, waking her.
“Oh hi.” She said, blinking at me.
I expected her to panic and yell for me to get out. Girls don’t like to be looked at first thing in the morning. But she only smiled and sat up slowly. She was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms. I didn’t feel the same way, seeing her in a tank top, as I did seeing Amy in one, but it still made me smile, seeing her dishevelled hair and glazed over eyes. It made me want to cuddle up with her and go back to sleep, and not just because I was so tired, but because she looked so cuddle-able.
My cell phone beeped again.

“My mom’s been texting me like crazy.” I said, looking at my phone. “She’s been worried about Xena.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t have your number to call you. I let her out to pee and we fed her some …. Caleb? Are you okay?” Jane was talking to me but I was unable to speak. I was looking at my texts, most of which were from my mom, but one of them…. was from Amy….

I don’t ever want to grow up

My mom is asleep when I get home. She called me around midnight on my cell phone while I was at the party at Jane’s house and I convinced her that I was safe, just down the street, and there was nothing to worry about, so she let me stay. I’m not sure what time it is now but I think its almost 2 am. I can’t believe those kids stayed up so late, especially the toddler.

My house is like a tomb as I walk through the living room area where my mom is asleep on the couch. I guess she was trying to wait up for me. Just earlier this evening I was envious of how she was out for a late night movie with her friends and I had no friends. Now I feel bad for her. I’m all she’s got really, I’m the one she comes home to and tells about her day. I’m actually proud of her for not hooking up with another guy as soon as dad left. She’s been doing the best she can keeping in touch with friends, its not easy at her age, parents are always too busy for fun.

I don’t think I ever want to grow up. I just want to play and not worry about working a job I hate, paying bills I can’t afford and facing a divorce of my own. I have a 50% chance of getting a divorce if I get married. The thought is depressing. The house feels too lonely, far too quiet. Then I realize why. I forgot Xena in Jane’s bedroom!

Last Night – Part Five (All Fun Things Must Come to an End)

The lights go out in the basement and it is ‘night time’ for the village. There is a round of giggles in the dark as the kids crouch in their make-shift homes. Jane has provided the lanky boy with a flashlight (she’s very practical) but even with that in hand he manages to trip on everything and take forever getting to his victim. The kids however love the suspense and enjoy the kidnapping game.

When he chooses one of the girls she screams bloody murder. I’m surprised none of the mothers come flying down the stairs to see what’s going on, but the folk music is still playing loudly upstairs and the parents’ voices have gotten even more rowdy. I think some vodka may be involved.

With the kidnapping accomplished the lights return and my dart competition begins. Everyone takes a turn except for me and Jane (King and Queen of this Kingdom). I even heroically slay the dragon with a hockey stick sword to free the kidnapped child from the evil Ring Bearer’s dungeon, so she can also attend the dart contest. They all take turns throwing and the closest dart to the middle is one of the boys (who looks exactly like his younger brother and I confuse them). We’ve all forgotten about the toddler but Jane says she must get a try too.

“Throw it that way Emma.” Jane says, helping her hold the plastic dart. Emma gives a hefty throw, reaching far behind her before letting the dart fly forward. It lands smack dab in the bull’s eye.

The room erupts with loud cheering. Emma squeals and jumps up and down.
“I did id! I DID ID! I DID ID!” She is so happy it brings tears to my eyes. I stop the cheering when I realize that its so late at night I’m getting emotional from being too tired.

“There is to be a celebration in the land, held in honour of Emma, to present her with her reward for winning the dart competition.” I decree. “I have decided to award her the ring of power, which will be, from here on, no longer evil but good.”

Everyone cheers and I appoint dancers, music makers and jugglers for the event. Soon we’re in full festival mode and just when it isn’t possible to have more fun than we’re having, two of the mom’s come down stairs to announce that its time to go home. The party is over.

Last Night – Part Four (Let’s Play!)

I slip off my LOTR ring and hand it to lanky kid.

“I’m the king and you’re the villagers. You all have a job…” I look around the basement “and you all need homes. Before we start I want everyone to push all the toys on the floor into the middle of the room.”

They all rush to do my bidding. Jane helps them and gives commands when necessary.
“Jane will be the Queen.” I announce.
“Who’s Jane?” Maegan asks.
“I mean Leena. Leena will be the Queen.”
Jane (aka Leena) stops pushing a doll house to the center of the room and looks at me. We lock eyes for a moment.
“But I want to be the Queen.” Maegan whines, breaking the spell.
“You’re going to be the merchant.” I tell her. She looks at me like she’s trying to decide if that sounds cooler than being a Queen or not.
“Everyone has to build up their village homes around the edges of the room.” I say to the others. “But you must buy stuff from Maegan, or trade, you can’t just take it from the pile in the middle of the room. She’s the village merchant.”
Maegan’s eyes light up.

Everyone has questions about how to play ‘Villager’ but I hold up my hand to silence them.
“I’ve decreed that you must all build homes to sleep in. If you have further questions for the King you are required to bring a dessert offering before my throne…” I look around the basement. “Queen Leena, you will now be known as Queen Jane, can you get me a throne?”
Jane nods and disapears into her room, returning with a chair and a blanket to cover it. She sets up the throne for me and I have a seat.

In no time many tasty desserts from upstairs are brought before me, and the questions asked are as follows, “Am I allowed to have a pretend pet dragon that’s invisible?” “Can I be the village idiot?” and “Will there be a battle against the trolls?”

Jane stands loyally by my side, stopping petty fights as they arrise, mostly bickering in the ‘market place’. I spot a magnetic dart board in the pile of toys that no one has snatched up yet.
“Queen Jane.” I say to her. “Please have someone bring that dart board to the palace and write up invitations to all the homes in my Kingdom. Every villager is invited to attend the royal dart throwing competition tomorrow morning.”

Immediately everyone starts talking about the dart throwing competition, even though they haven’t recieved their invitations yet. I shake my head at their poor roleplaying skills. Jane nods and goes to her room for paper and markers.

Lanky kid is looking bored as the others build their homes. He has been pretending he is invisible but is now unmotivated.
“Ring bearer!” I summon him. “Come here.”
When he gets closer I lower my voice to a whisper.
“Tonight, when the lights go out and all the villagers are asleep for the night I want you to kidnap one of them and trap them in your dungeon.”
He looks excited, but unsure.
“But I don’t have a dungeon.” He whispers back.
“Then make one!” I dismiss him and he runs off.

Last Night – Part Three (One King to Rule Them All)

The Saga continues: My night at Jane’s house, attending a family celebration unlike any I, an only child, have ever attended before.

Maegan is pulling on my arm, “play Barbies with me! Play Barbies with me! You promised!” and the other kids are looking suspiciously at me. They kind of look similar, three of the boys and two of the girls, probably all from the same parents. Then there’s a really skinny awkward kid that has quite large teeth and a perma-grin and there’s a two or three year old toddler that is still in training diapers.

They all talk to me at once, with their high pitched yelling voices. “Why are you here? Are you Leena’s boyfriend?” “How old are you?” “Did you get my note in the mailbox?” Xena is shaking violently in my arms at all this yelling.

“Whoa! Wait, everyone stop talking.” I say. “The first person who brings me a brownie, or a peace of chocolate cake from upstairs, will get to wear my magic Lord of The Rings ring that can make you invisible.”

There is a second of hesitation, as my words hang in the silence. Then they’re off! Running towards the narrow staircase, pushing and clawing and scrambling their way up. I am left with Jane, who gives me a questioning look, but then a little smile escapes her and we give each other a high five. The toddler has been left behind too and Xena barks at her.

“Why don’t we put Xena in my room?” Jane says to me and to the toddler who is reaching her chubby hands at Xena. “I will lock her in there so the kids won’t accidentally step on her.”

As she heads for a closed door a loud rumbling sound makes me duck involuntarily. I’m worried the cieling will collapse until I realize its the kids, racing down the stairs and pounding their feet like elephants. Their eager bodies spill out at the bottom of the basement stairwell and run towards me, chocolatey hands outstretched. The tall and lanky kid with large teeth reaches me first, the others bang into one another, tripping, squishing brownies and dropping pieces of chocolate cake on the floor.

“He reached me first.” I say, pointing at the tall kid. There is a chorus of complaints of why it isn’t fair. “But!” I say “the ring is evil.”
Everyone stops compaining and listens. I try and think fast.
“Whoever has the ring is invisible and no one can see him, so he can steal from your homes.”

“What homes?” The lanky kid asks.

“Who wants to play medieval village?” I announce, putting my hand up to get a show of hands.

All hands go up instantly for playing ‘Village’, a game that I just made up on the spot, no questions asked. I look down at this group of eager children, practically begging for a leader to tell them what to do. I will be their King and rule them all. Now the party is about to begin.

Last Night – Part Two (Invited In)

I walk up to Jane’s door and ring the doorbell. It shouldn’t surprise me that nobody hears it ring. I take a deep breath and knock on the door with my fist, as loudly as I dare.

A barking starts up from inside the house and Xena stiffens in my arms. Its Hasslehoff Huskey and I have no doubt Xena remembers that bark. The talking inside is interrupted now by shouts of dialect that I don’t understand and the door suddenly opens. I expect to see a rough looking Viking man with a horned helmet on his head and an angry scowl on his face but Meagan opens the door (Jane’s 7 year old sister), her hair wild and her face flushed. Her eyes go wide when she sees me

“YOU CAME! You got my note!” She runs off, calling for her sister. Hasselhoff Huskey barks at Xena a few times and is taken away by a very tiny elderly lady who looks like she’s from the “old country”. She is strong though, handling HH with no problem.

“Who is it?” A gruff voice shouts in a thick accent. It is a short, biker-looking man. I was right about the angry scowl, but not the horned helmet. The music and shouting continue once again, not only men’s voices but women’s too. The women’s voices are sharp, piercing the eardrum, especially when they are laughing. I’m not sure what they are celebrating but I spot two large tables laid to the brim with food, lots and lots of food.

“Who are you?” The man asks accusingly. I presume this is Jane’s dad, the head of the household.

“I’m a friend on Jane’s.”

“We are busy here, what is wrong with you boy?” This causes an outburst of laughter from the group of adults in the kitchen/living room area. Jane appears, flustered and flanked by a group of like 10 children.

“Dad. This is… my friend.” Apparently she doesn’t remember my name, but I don’t remember telling her my name last time our dogs were in a death battle.

“There is too many in my house!” Jane’s dad yells and there is another outburst of laughter in reply, they all talk at once and laugh…

too much in the house hahaha
the fattest must go out
open the windows!
You will not fit the fattest through the windows!
It is you who is the fattest
no it is you!
No, I am the fattest!

All of this said in English, for my sake I guess.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I heard this much group laughter, in real life, not just on a stand-up comedy bit on youtube.

A plump woman comes over to the door and pulls me inside by the arm, making me almost drop Xena.
“There is never too many to be a guest in our house!” The plump lady says. “I am Leena’s mother, it is nice to meet you. What is your name?”

“Caleb.” I say. Jane’s dad walks off, defeated and grumbling, as the others continue to jostle him, ‘here comes the fattest of the house! If he goes out then there will be room for three more people to come inside! Hahaha’

“Leena take him to play.” Jane’s mom shoves me forward. I’m so out of my element, but I love it. I’ve never had a big family, or a loud family or a family from the Old Country. Or much of a family at all.

The kids follow Jane and I down a narrow stairwell which leads into a half-finished basement. There are toys EVERYWHERE. The house is a huge mess both upstairs and downstairs, its staggering and liberating at the same time. You could never make a mess or ever be expected to clean one up, in this basement! I love it!