11:55 PM

Feeling down. Can’t sleep. Was so tired earlier that every mouse click by Daughter playing on computer was waking me up while I was laying on the couch (which means I was falling asleep repeatedly every half a second). Now I’m awake and noticing all the posts about New Year’s Resolutions and “looking back” on the highlights of 2013, etc.

For me, same thing happens EVERY New Year’s Eve.

I want desperately to go out and do something posh, while dressed brilliant and ringing in the New Year looking my best, with people I WANT to hang out with (or even people I don’t know as long as they look posh too and notice me)

Actuality: End up walking around Family Festival, tired and alone in a building full of people. Come home exhausted, put child to bed, fall asleep before midnight, OR stay up late trying to find a live online stream of New Year’s countdown until after midnight and miss the whole thing. Husband wanders home sometime after midnight as he is always doing something work related on New Year’s Eve.

Every year I want it to be different and every year it’s the same. It’s the ‘stroller’ syndrome. This feeling that I’m endlessly pushing around a stroller (although my daughter no longer needs a stroller, it’s still the same feeling). I have more friends this year since I joined a writers group, but none of them will spend New Year’s Eve with me.

Did my best not to message MSA Friend (Most Sought After Friend) since the ball is in his court to reply. Stroller Syndrome feeling was so heavy on me I broke down and sent a dot (.) Not sure how ‘dot’ will be percieved. Possibly as a pocket dial.

I guess I will explain MSA Friend until I get tired enough to go back to sleep. Every two or three years I find a person that I absolutely must be friends with or I will die. I message far too much even when I try my best to hold back… and well I deleted the rest of this post which was far too long and emo, but I’m tired now so accomplished that much,

off to bed

(goodnight MSA Friend…)

The Mall Is a Magical Place

Today, as I was trying to style my hair, I got this text from my mom:

Can you take the bus down to the mall and pick up shampoo and conditioner? I work late.

I had planned to walk Xena that day but then decided I could invite Jane to the mall and we’d make a date of it. Well, not a real date because I have no idea if Jane likes me in that way or if I like her in that way.

I gave up on trying to style my hair and at the bus stop Jane commented on how long it is. I hadn’t cut it for four months and my bangs are now down to below my nose. That’s when I had the brilliant idea to go to a hair salon in the mall and get an “emo” hairstyle.
Long story short I got a sweet emo hair cut, dyed my hair raven black, got the works. They even styled it for me in just the right way. Jane was quite shocked when I met up with her afterwards, she said I look very different. I’m sure I do. First of all I lost a LOT of weight this summer and actually bought nice clothes for once and I dyed my hair black. It wasn’t until after all this that I realized I have no idea if Amy likes black hair.

I was getting a lot of looks and a lot of smiles from the girls at the mall, like the kind of smiles you want to get if you’re a guy, it was awesome. I’ve NEVER gotten smiles like that before, ever. The girls didn’t even seem to care that Jane was walking with me, I still got the smiles.

Once again I was finding it difficult to eat so I gave Jane my fries and ended up just drinking a bottle of water. I was nervous because I wanted to text Amy again but didn’t know what to say. Finally after much deliberation I texted her this:

-Want to come to the mall and hang out?
-got the kids
-bring kids?
-ok, kiddie ride coin machines?
-see u there 🙂