I’m posting more than ever now! Its not hard to post twice a day when your life is boring and you’re staying up all night anyway 🙂
I’m back to drinking coffee all night at Tim Horton’s (24 hr. Donut Place). I don’t think the staff recognize me cuz I’m looking a lot better after getting all cleaned up at Morgan’s this morning. I don’t want to stay up, I’m feeling tired. I got spoiled sleeping in a comfy warm closet and now I’m back out in the cold again. I did however get a little sleep at the public library earlier, about an hour, in the “kids’ corner” but I mostly did homework.
So I forgot to talk about my conversation with Morgan after school today. He was avoiding me all afternoon, like a scared gazelle. But then he found me in the school library. When I saw him approaching I felt nervous. How was I going to explain about the things I’d ‘borrowed’ from his place?
The first thing he said to me was “Please don’t tell anyone that you slept in my closet last night… please.” He was whispering and was leaning in close so I could hear him. I love the way he smells, fresh and clean. His words hurt though. He had come to make sure I wouldn’t tell anyone that I’d stayed at his place cuz he was embarrassed to be associated with me. What made it even worse was that all the memories of our times together came flooding back (times that never actually happened but they still feel real if you have an imagination like mine).
So Morgan was waiting for me to reply but I didn’t at first, making him nervous. I just didn’t want him to leave right after I answered him. His eyes, without glasses, reminded me of the first time he never came over, it was snowing and he’d brought me a birthday gift. And the intimate conversations we never had and our first kiss… All make believe.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise.” I said. He looked relieved. He left as soon as I made the promise. When I thought he was gone I let myself feel as low as I needed to feel, sinking down in my chair and pulling my knees up to hug them. I didn’t even see Morgan return cuz I had my head down. He surprised me. Good thing I didn’t start to cry or anything. He must have also been surprised, by how sad I looked (?) because he hesitated before speaking, then he said that it was not a good idea for me to come to his house again tonight, his mom is pretty strict and he didn’t want to get into any trouble. Makes sense. I didn’t even answer. Like I’d even want to go over there again.