Today I broke my promise to myself to not ever ask anyone for help. AND I faced my fear of rejection and finally talked to Morgan… in real life!
I couldn’t think of who I could trust with my secret. I guess I chose Morgan because I still confuse reality with the Morgan I made up in my head, the one I idolize and am great friends with… in my daydreams. But being homeless has made me a little braver, like I don’t care what people think of me anymore. And since I’ve basically lost everything already (except my laptop), I’ve got nothing to lose, right?
That’s what I was telling myself when I saw Morgan sitting alone at a computer in the library after school. I felt nauseous as I approached, but I kept reminding myself, I’ve got nothing to lose… and so much to gain. But no matter how you look at it, rejection is one of the worst hurts ever!
Morgan looked uncomfortable when I sat down in the rolling chair beside him, so I already felt rejected before I even spoke. I was OBVIOUSLY sitting down to talk to him, but he pretended that I wasn’t there.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked, trying not to sound angry at being ignored.
He looked at me briefly then back at his computer screen. I think he nodded his head so I continued,
“I kind of was thinking, I mean I was wondering if you… I don’t know, actually it’s like this…”
My mind went blank and I could literally feel my face turning red. I should have thought this conversation through before approaching him. He finally looked at me, probably curious at what I could possibly want to say. But as I babbled on, without getting anywhere, his attention went back to his computer. He was doing research on one of our homework assignments. That’s when I got a brilliant idea.
“Can you help me with my math?” I asked.
“You’re good at math.” He said, looking confused.
“I don’t understand the exponential equations. I mean I understand them but I wasn’t at school that Friday, and I don’t know how to solve an exponential equation when the base is a fraction.”
It felt like forever before he spoke again.
“When do you want to study?” He finally said. I felt like I’d just won the lottery.