A Few Confessions (by Alanna)

I found the love poem in the snow,
the beautiful, white snow,
that was glistening like a million white diamonds in the sun.
I had to squint my eyes, the glare was so painful,
the piece of paper was just lying there, slowly getting wet, the ink starting to smudge with moisture.
I don’t know who dropped it or who it was intended for but it’s beautiful.
I still have it in my backpack. I don’t care who it’s for because it was meant to end up in my backpack and it’s mine now.

I don’t have two beautiful twin sisters (who does?). I like imagining I have sisters because I get pretty lonely here. My mom leaves a lot, not usually for this long, but anyway even when she’s here it’s like she’s not here. I don’t feel like talking about my mom today though…

Have you ever idolized someone? Daydreamed about them so much that you’ve built an emotional attachment to them? And they have no idea? They don’t even notice you?

If you haven’t then don’t do it.

Seeing Morgan at school hurts, like physically hurts. My stomach ties in knots. And when I see him talking with Lindsay it hurts even more. I don’t actually sit with Lindsay at lunch, I don’t have a lunch to bring to school so I just avoid the lunch room altogether.

Morgan did completely change his look a couple of weeks ago, catching everyone’s attention, including mine. That’s when I started imagining what it would be like if he was DC. He looked really good.

I guess accidentally falling in love with Morgan is the least of my problems right now. There’s no hot water running anymore so I have to warm up the water on the camping stove. Not a fun way to “bath” (washing with a cloth). I’m probably going to take some shampoo with me to school tomorrow, there are showers in the girls’ change room that no one ever uses.

Its scary being here at night, alone. That’s why I bought the Christmas lights at the Thrift Store, to light up my room a little, but not so much that it would be noticeable through the blinds. I used up the last of my money to buy them, which was a big mistake because I really need money right now. I figured that it’s my birthday and I should buy myself something! I also ate the last of the food on my birthday because I was tired of feeling hungry all the time and just eating small amounts so that I could save food for later. I just wanted to eat till I was full for once. So now I’m stuck with an almost empty jar of peanut butter, a few soup crackers and some ketchup I think.

I used to like staring out my window at the street below, making up stories and relaxing in my room. That was in the summer. It wasn’t so cold then.

I hate this place now.
And I hate the Christmas lights too
Because Morgan never gave them to me
And they just remind me of all that didn’t happen,
All that never happens

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3 thoughts on “A Few Confessions (by Alanna)

  1. I actually really like where this is going. I can certainly relate to a lot of what she is going through and I think the revelation of Alannas actual reality really gives her character a lot more depth!

    • yeah, I found out excessive daydreaming can be a sign of depression in children. My childhood makes a lot more sense now. thanks for the encouragement 😀

      • I think daydreaming is very healthy and helps strengthen creativity and the imagination, whats depressing is the horrible reality some children have to endure at such a young age and I include myself in that group. Thats probably why I can relate so much to the real Alanna!

        You’re very welcome, I think you are doing a great job keeping readers on their toes. Just when we are getting used to one thing you pull the rug out from under us (in a good way) this keeps the story exciting and the reader emotionally engaged!

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